Posted on February 25th, 2013 by Dr. Andra Brosh

showupI used to wonder why no one ever invited me to parties, places or gatherings. I felt like I really put myself out there, only to find that none of the people I had extended myself to reciprocated. It constantly felt like the world was passing me by, and that there was always something going on that I didn’t know about or hadn’t been included in. This went on for a really long time until I learned something important, and I want to share that with you now.

LIFE IS A PARTY AND YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE INVITED.

and guess what else?

YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE TO R.S.V.P!

I came to realize after years of feeling excluded and alienated that I wasn’t being left out, I simply wasn’t showing up in the world. I had become a chronic “no show”, which was keeping me from fully living. Now I get it, and I have learned to step out instead of feeling left out, and I have to tell you that it’s really fun.

Here are 5 Questions to determine if you are showing up in your life:

Where are you showing up?
Posting on Facebook and Twitter is only one version of showing up. If you spend most of your time posting on your wall or filling up your twitter with feeds, you are not fully engaging with the world. I would often only show up at the things that felt safe or comfortable, avoiding anything that pushed me to really show up. This wasn’t allowing for a full experience either. Understand where you feel the most at ease being your full self and then ask “why don’t I feel this in all aspects of my life?” This will help you nail down where you can begin to show up more fully.

How do you show up?
I found that when I did show up in life, I was doing it in a very cautious and hesitant way. I was testing the waters to see if I liked the temperature, and if I didn’t I bailed. Or I would stand on the sidelines watching everyone else jump in. Showing up in your life with 100% effort is the only way to go. Sometimes you can even show up on the coattails of someone else to ease into the experience, because who likes to turn up at a party alone? Whatever you do, wherever you go, be fully present and ready to show up BIG. It’s a waste of time to show up any other way, because this party called life isn’t going to be happening forever.

What keeps you from showing up?
Maybe you feel insecure or uncertain about how others perceive you. It’s almost always our own negative self -perceptions that block us from being our true selves, and showing up in the world. Life isn’t a costume party, you don’t have to dress up or be something you’re not to please other people. You get to just show up as you are in all of your glory, and as your most authentic self. If for whatever reason you do get a negative response after showing up, just know that the world is a big place with lots of opportunities to put yourself out there.

What does it mean for you to show up?
The idea of truly showing up in your life can be scary and invoke a sense of panic. Fears around not being accepted or acknowledged run deep in our bones. For me it was the same feeling I had as a teenager when going to a party. I was terrified of not fitting in or being good enough. Unfortunately we don’t always shed these false beliefs as adults and carry this question of loveability all through life. Showing up in your life now means trusting that you are enough, and that you offer value on many levels.

Where can’t you show up?
We all have limitations so be realistic about the places that are impossible for you to show up. This might be a temporary no show, or an area of your life that you simply don’t like the other guests. In these scenarios it’s better to not show up than to put yourself in situations that make you uncomfortable or are unhealthy. It’s your party, so you get to call the shots.

Whatever your current life situation brings, the most fundamental aspect to showing up in the world is to do it for yourself. Show up for you, not anyone else, and you will be pleasantly surprised at how your life will expand.

Please accept this as my personal invitation to your life.

Share your thoughts with me in the comments below or on Facebook.

February 25th, 2013

Posted In: Andra Brosh, My Experience, Relationships, Therapy, Tips

2 Comments

  • Sarah Zink says:

    Maybe I missed it – but where is the list of 10 ways to show up?

    • Andra says:

      Hi Sarah =
      No you didn’t miss something! I’m not sure why the title didn’t match the post but thanks for catching it. I hope the questions are helpful, I’ll have to write another when with the 10 reasons 🙂

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