This means that you actually â€œneedâ€ others to thrive and grow, and to feel a sense of safety in the world. If you have currently, or have ever felt completely devastated in response to a relationship that isn’t working, this should explain why.
This also explains why you might feel chronically disappointed and dissatisfied in your personal relationships. Your relational needs started when you were very small, and if those normal developmental needs were not met adequately, then you would be subject to trying to get from others what you didnâ€™t get as a child.
This is probably the main driving factor behind most love relationships; an unconscious hope that our partner will finally provide what has been missing.
This is where therapy comes in. The therapeutic relationship within the framework of most psychodynamic therapy is what heals the pain of the past. Most of our â€œproblemsâ€ surface within the interpersonal realm of relating. This is what we often refer to as â€œtriggersâ€ or someone pushing our buttons. Things get activated within a relationship that probably would never surface if we spent all our time alone.
The beauty of the therapeutic relationship is that it creates a safe and healing forum in which relational issues can surface or become activated. Once brought to awareness, these relationship dynamics can be played out. Needs from the past can either be met, or grieved, depending on each personâ€™s personal experiences.
Most people donâ€™t realize the power of the therapeutic relationship, and become frustrated only to leave therapy prematurely. This can take time, and it usually isnâ€™t discussed, but trusting the process and being patient will serve you well.
Dr. Andra Brosh March 17th, 2013