Ever-Aftershock® Theory

Ever-Aftershock®

As a Psychologist I have listened to hundreds of stories of heartbreak, betrayal, loss, and very often revenge.

I have witnessed horrendous behavior, poor decision making skills, children being used as pawns, hair loss, illness, lost jobs and houses in foreclosure. I have watched my clients roller coaster through feelings of despair, anger, shame and fear as they become completely untethered from their foundation.

Their language of loss is both familiar and universal, and while each one has her own unique story they all want the same thing – the life they thought they had, and would have, forever.

I coined the term Ever-Aftershock® to explain the psychological, emotional, and physiological response to an unexpected marital ending, and the disillusionment that comes with shattered dreams and unclaimed future fantasies. Ever-Aftershock® puts a name to the period of transition you’re in, and to the universal experience you’re having.

If you’re in Ever-Aftershock® you are thinking:

• I’m going crazy.
• This is surreal.
• I’m in shock.
• I can’t believe this is happening.
• I didn’t see this coming.

Every day hundreds of thousands of men and women are left, blind-sided, cheated on, abandoned, dumped, and victimized by a partner who walks away without notice. The United States has the highest divorce rate in the world with roughly 45% of marriages ending in divorce running the numbers up to 850,000 per year.

Even the most well-adjusted and high-functioning individuals will spend 2-5 years or longer reestablishing emotional stability after the marriage ends.

Through clinical observation researchers have learned that people describe the “aftermath” phase in the first year following separation or divorce as being “as devastating as any natural disaster”.

They report feeling as though an earthquake or hurricane has struck and few are able to articulate their experience during this period, amid the shock and confusion. I have observed this phenomenon in my practice and I can attest to it from personal experience as well.

This is what I have come to call Ever-Aftershock®.

“I just received the divorce manifesto and it is excellent; it reflects almost exactly what I’ve experienced; it is validating, hopeful, and empowering to hear/read those words of truth. It is so clear that you have been through the experience. Thank you so much for hosting this group. I have needed a support group for a while and am grateful to have found yours.”
– Michelle, 42, Real Estate Agent, Santa Monica