“Love does not consist of gazing at each other, but in looking together in the same direction.” ~Antoine de Saint-Exupery
Congratulations to you for being in a relationship that is potentially headed toward marriage. Sustaining a relationship is not an easy feat, so you should be proud of yourself for getting to this point in your love relationship.
While getting married may have been something you always knew you wanted, it’s more than just an item to check off of your life goals list. Marriage a huge investment of mind, body and heart. Just like any big investment you might make, you will want to do everything you can to maximize the greatest return on what you put in. This happens when couples take the time to establish a healthy foundation from the start.
Pre-marital therapy is like preventative medicine. Even though therapy is most often thought of as being for couples who already have problems, it can actually be utilized to preempt any marital issues that might be lurking around your present relationship.
Start by asking yourselves the following questions:
Why are you marrying your partner?- What do you expect from your partner on an emotional level?
- What will your role be in the relationship?
- How can you ensure that you feel loved and appreciated by your partner?
- What will you do to maintain the passion and joy in your relationship?
- What will change about the relationship when you have kids?
- How will you expect your partner to show up for you if you were to become ill?
- How will you incorporate extended family into your marriage?
- How do you communicate as a couple now?
- What is the dynamic between you when you fight?
If you were starting a new job in an unfamiliar field would you just show up the first day and “figure things out”? Probably not; you would do your research, and get the proper training to ensure your success. Your marriage is no different.
In Pre-marital therapy you will:
- Discuss your expectations of each other in the marriage
- Determine if your values are aligned and shared
- Speak openly about having kids and how that might change things
- Share your ideas about how you want to parent and raise your kids
- Set a plan for sustaining the passion and joy in your relationship
- Develop healthy ways of communicating and omit any bad habits
- Uncover any potential issues that might arise throughout the marriage
- Learn how to have “healthy arguments” and how to make repairs
