Letting go of Great Expectations

“If you expect nothing from anybody you’re never disappointed.” – Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar

One of the biggest life suckers and causes of dissatisfaction is the ongoing practice of expectation.

There are many types of expectation so we have to distinguish between them to determine which to relinquish and which serve a purpose.

The harsh truth is that there are basically two things you can expect…death and uncertainty. All other expectation is directly linked to hope and belief.

Of course there are certain things that you need to expect to maintain your peace of mind. You need to expect that the sun will rise, your partner will remain faithful, your children are safe, and that you’ll have a job when you show up at your desk on Monday morning.

While you can’t guarantee these expectations will be fulfilled, it’s reasonable to remain hopeful that they will.

There are also more subtle expectations that you deserve to hold because you’re a human being with feelings. You can maintain the expectation that you’ll be treated as a person with value, to not be intentionally hurt, and to have your voice heard when you speak.

Again, these are reasonable expectations that are based more in hope than certainty because you cannot control much outside of yourself.

Disappointments around failed expectations usually arise when those expectations are too high or beyond the capacity of the person you’re looking toward to fulfill them.

There is no doubt that people and life will let you down. This is a variable of being alive that cannot be avoided. Knowing that disappointment is a natural part of being human will allow you to modulate and moderate your expectations while reducing unnecessary suffering.

For example, expecting to get straight A’s all through school or maintaining the same weight from cradle to grave are what I call aspiring expectations. You can set an intention to achieve these goals, but it’s unfair to call yourself a failure if you don’t fulfill these somewhat unrealistic expectations of yourself.

Expectation in relationship is also a common issue. Expecting your partner to read your mind is fairly unreasonable and will ultimately leave you disappointed. In the same way, expecting him or her to be more emotionally available when they can’t access their own emotions is a hopeful aspiration but will probably remain unfulfilled.

Expectation is also a form of bankruptcy because it robs you of the ability to be grateful. If you expect certain things then you would find it impossible to feel grateful when they’re fulfilled. How can you be grateful for something you expected to happen?

Reducing expectations is not the same as settling, and it’s not giving up hope. Getting clear about what you should and could expect from different people and areas of your life is a clear step toward contentment.

When you practice letting go of expectation you’ll begin to live in reality, which will in turn allow you to feel more fulfilled, and to make more accurate choices about how you want to live.

This isn’t about expecting less, it’s about embracing more.

Consume what you have, and see what it feels like to make that enough.

“Enough” is a concept we can all use more of.