Why You Need to be Seen

I truly believe that what we all want is to be seen.

The desire starts when your small and never really subsides. The jumping up and down part of you that screams “look at me! Look at me!” longs to be noticed, considered, valued and observed.

You know from experience that there is no worse feeling in the world than not being seen by others. It leaves you feeling empty and lonely.

Sitting in a group of people where no one asks you a question, being ignored by the wait staff at a restaurant, or even getting cut off in traffic can invoke negative feelings stemming from being unseen.

Feeling seen by others is not only an essential developmental process that happens throughout the earliest years of life. It’s how we feel loved and appreciated in our adult relationships as well. It’s also how we develop self-esteem, a healthy sense of ego, and the knowledge that we matter.

On the most primitive level feeling seen equates with feeling like you exist. A new baby only knows it’s existence through the reflection in the caregivers eyes.

The desire to be seen and observed is not narcissistic or self indulgent when it comes from an organic human need, and not a desperate attempt at attention.

The kind of being seen I’m talking about is that feeling you get when you are deeply known by another human being. Not a knowing that comes from information, but a knowing that is founded in the fundamental respect we hope to hold for each unique person.

If you live amongst people who don’t see you by acknowledging your strengths, your beauty, your uniqueness, and your feelings than you will most certainly depreciate over time like a bad investment.

And if you are uncomfortable being seen than you need to explore why you prefer to stay in the shadows instead of basking in this healthy limelight.

You need nourishment through verbal and non verbal recognition because it’s fundamental to your very existence.

Try a simple exercise. Spend some time looking in the mirror. Don’t just look at your reflection, look deep into your own eyes. Truly take the time to see yourself and take notice.

Then practice doing this with other people. Look into their eyes without glancing away. Don’t pierce them, just really ensure that they feel seen.

Most people won’t be able to tolerate this kind of attention and focus because it’s so unusual and unnatural in our culture.

What you ultimately want to remember is that seeing is believing, and believing in yourself comes from being seen.