I’ve been digging very deep these past few weeks on truly embracing my vulnerabilities, and allowing myself to just show up in the world as my imperfectly perfect self. It’s been an interesting ride so far, even as someone who thought she had done all “the work” necessary to be content with who she is (hint: that’s me).

I’ve come to realize that there is no end to this game of personal growth. It’s an ongoing process, with peaks, valleys and potholes.

I have always been a firm believer that regression begets development, meaning that we have to take two steps back to go three steps forward. I remind myself of this when I start to slip into a state of despair or sadness around something that has unexpectedly resurfaced in my life.

A.K.A. – Something that makes me feel vulnerable.

It feels very similar to when I was a kid and I would trip, fall and skin my knee. I would run home to cry and patch it up, then back out again until the next tumble. I’ve been skinning my knee daily on the hard concrete of life, and I would be lying if I said it didn’t hurt.

But if I stay inside to avoid the hurts how will I ever get to play?

So as much as I feel like I’m going backward, and with how horribly uncomfortable this all feels to me, I trust that I am on the path of most resistance to somewhere great.

So with that in mind, I invite you to watch this brief video of me exposing myself in a way you haven’t seen to date. It’s the beginning of something big for me, and I hope you will be inspired to come along for the ride.

Watch it here.

This email officially kicks off a Vulnerability Challenge. I dare you to expose yourself in some way throughout the week.

It’s time to stop hiding in the dark shadows where you can’t be seen or heard.

I invite you to join me and share this with anyone you feel could benefit from getting vulnerable!

I have just returned from a life altering conference called Emerging Women 2013. The name will most likely generate an immediate reaction in you that will either be “I need to know about this” or “Oy, not another feminist uprising”.

I feel it’s my job to let you know that Emerging Women 2013 is both.

Whether you are a man or a woman, you will want to be connected to this amazing organization. Not only because it needs to grow and spread like a wildfire, but because we cannot continue to make a difference in this world without it.

I’ll let you check it out on your own for details, but here is just a small snippet of what I learned from the amazing speakers, and immediate culture of the event.

It is our responsibility as human beings to rise to a place within ourselves where we can do what we were put on this earth to do. This isn’t about doing something huge or grand, it’s about showing up honestly and completely every day, in every moment.

Every one of you has a calling that you will only hear if you listen. Honoring and attuning to your authentic gifts not only serves you but the world at large. We need you to give us what you have because it will make the world a better place for all of us.

Don’t wait for things to be perfect or right before doing them. Get tired of waiting, and take action today, right now. Every little thing you do matters and impacts the world you live in. Perfection is an obstacle, not something to strive for. Some of the most beautiful things in the world are imperfect, including you.

Your story matters, and only you can tell it. No one is more important, interesting or valuable than you. You are not here to live in comparison to other people; your uniqueness is exactly what the world needs. Redundancy and sameness do not promote growth, divergence does.

I could go on and on, and will in the coming weeks.

Please make yourself known, reveal yourself to the world, and live your truth. None of us have a choice to do it any other way.

Your time is now!

Join me on this powerful path along with the amazing women  who have already emerged, and are paving the way for all of us to find our own truth and greatness.

I’m preparing to go on a trip this week, which is always a kind of process for me. As you know, I think and write a lot about “journeys” and the process of getting from one place in life to the next. I’m always hyper-aware of the in between parts of any kind of travel, and I believe that leaving and arriving are secondary to what happens in the middle.

This got me thinking about how life is one big trip to nowhere. I think we all like to act like we have destinations and places we aspire to reach, but ultimately we never really arrive anywhere because we’re in endless pursuit of some illusory place that we want to be.

We tell ourselves that once we get to wherever we’re going we’ll be happy, satisfied, fulfilled, and content. Sometimes we get to a place in life where we feel all of these things, but then over time it’s again not enough, and we begin to want more.

This is an endless cycle of pursuit and disappointment leading to a feeling of futility and hopelessness. In other words, it’s a path to nowhere, and nowhere good.

I often find myself having an insatiable appetite for more, and I become overwhelmed with the belief that what I have isn’t enough.

This leads to a consistent state of hunger and craving for something better, different or more. It’s a treadmill to say the least, and I have to remind myself sometimes to slow down and digest where I am before deciding where I want to go next.

I find it helpful to pause and ask myself “What if this is it?” What if right now, in this moment, I knew there wouldn’t be anything more? Could I live with that? Would I survive?

The answer is always yes because the question grounds me in the fact that the aspects of my life that are most important to me (my health, my family, my friends, and my passions) satisfy my fundamental needs.

Anything else beyond these things will be icing on my life cake.

This question shifts my perspective from need to desire. In other words, I don’t feel like I have to grasp something more to feel complete. If I decide I want to aspire for something more, I know it’s from a place of desire and not necessity.

Ask yourself the question “What if this is it?” this week, and challenge yourself to learn the difference between your needs and your desires. Your needs are the fundamentals in life that you can’t survive without, and what you desire are the things that would enhance what you already have, but you could live without.

An important distinction to contemplate.

I think we would all like life to go as planned. To have each day turn out exactly how we imagined it, and to put our heads down on our pillows at night with a sense of calm and assurance that everything is as it should be.

Unfortunately, what we want isn’t always what we get, and more often then not life takes a hard right instead of the straight road ahead.

I have learned time and again that life is completely unscripted, and that it’s a story that is constantly unfolding with or without my authorship. I know I have control over certain things, but I’m also well aware of the fact that my life can be hit with both pellets and bombs at any moment.

Just this week I encountered a hiccup. After spending a great weekend in New York I arrived home in Los Angeles only to find that my luggage had not made the flight. Feeling victimized by United Airlines, I indigently marched up to the counter to demand retribution. After a few clicks on the keyboard the attendant handed me a small piece of paper and sent me on my way to wait for the airline to find my long, lost suitcase.

Defeated and indigent, I immediately started in with the victimized stories of “why me” and “nothing goes my way”. This one inconvenient incident felt like the end of the world, and my fatalistic attitude had me convinced that my belongings were gone forever.

I had expected to coast off the plane, grab my bag, hop in a cab and be home in time for dinner. Instead I got stuck at the airport for an extra hour, and ended up with just another thing to follow up on the next day.

Of course I realized that things could be worse and that my bag would eventually make it’s way back to me. However, I was still pissed off that my life had been “inconvenienced” by what was simply a mishap.

I’ve had way bigger disruptions in my past (some of which were life threatening), but somehow those faded away as I called everyone I knew to complain and bitch about “the hassle” and “hindrance” this had on my world.

Then at some point in time (probably just hours later) my life began to flow again. The lost luggage had moved from happening to happened, and I moved forward in spite of this snag in my otherwise awesome week.

This is the natural course of life. You walk, stumble, trip, fall and then get back up to do it all over again. This is how you build resilience, tolerance for discomfort, patience and fortitude.

I share this cautionary tale with you because I think there are a couple of strong messages in it.

First and foremost never check your luggage if you don’t have to.

Secondly, never presume that you are going to cruise through life. Just like sailing out on the open sea, smooth waters are a blessing and reprieve from the uncontrollable and inevitable choppiness that life will throw your way.

Complications, difficulties, problems, and barriers allow you to deeply appreciate the moments, days, and years that allow you to coast. Without the disruptions there would be no appreciation for the calm.

Don’t expect the worst or count on the best, just enjoy the ride.

The word love gets tossed around a lot, particularly in the realm of relationships. We want to be in love, fall in love, feel loved, and we even want to love ourselves. We seek it, we covet it, and we despair when we don’t have it. The truth is that the idea of love preoccupies our minds almost 24 hours a day.

So why then, do we never ask ourselves the simple question of “how do I love thee?” There is a very important distinction between how you feel loved, and how your partner experiences the love you give. No two people experience love in exactly the same way, so you cannot presume the love you offer is in perfect alignment with what your partner needs.

The only way to really know how you can show your love in a way that it can pierce the heart of your lover is to ask him or her how they feel loved.

In his book “The Five Languages of Love”, Gary Chapman speaks directly to this issue. He distinctly writes about how every person feels love in their own unique way, and if we can’t decipher and honor what that type of love is, then we reduce our chances of being happy with that person.

The most common mistake you will make with regard to this issue is presuming that your partner feels loved in the same way you do. Even though you were taught to give love to receive it, no one ever informed you that every person feels loved in a different way.

For example, if you feel loved when your partner gives you a gift or tells you how much you are appreciated, turning around and offering those forms of love to him or her is simply a projection of your own needs.

I know you want to give and receive the love you deserve, so here are 3 steps to effectively express your love in your relationship:

1. Simply ask

It’s always very transformative when I have my couple clients ask each other the simple question, “how do you feel loved?” There is so much presumption when it comes to love in a relationship, so clarifying and getting the true story changes everything. It’s not only enlightening for the partner asking the question, but for the partner being asked as well. We don’t take pause to ask ourselves the question “How do I feel loved?”

2. Just do it

Even if the way your partner feels loved seems absolutely crazy to you, it’s essential that you meet that need anyway. It may be a big effort in memory or in action, but the extra work goes a long way. Many couples feel awkward expressing love in a way that is outside of how they feel it, but stretching outside of what feels comfortable is what makes relationships interesting and novel.

3. Be patient

People don’t change their ways easily, particularly when it’s in the interest of someone else’s happiness. Your partner might not “get it” immediately, but with gentle reminders they will slowly learn, and turn conscious effort into habit. Keep your expectations of yourself and your partner in check, and be grateful for any progress no matter how minimal.

This blog was originally posted on PurposeFairy.com.